We need you to try it
The past month has been really tough. And beyond the political theater and terrifying news, I am sure you all know people who have been personally affected. I know I do.
I find myself asking; is it really possible that so many people hate everything I love?
But then I take a step back and remember what I know about conflict.
And, though, our two-party system has always been quite adversarial, we (Americans) are now ensnared in what Amanda Ripley in her book, High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out, refers to as ”high conflict”. She defines this as “a conflict that becomes self-perpetuating and all-consuming, in which almost everything ends up worse off”. She explains that these types of conflicts are exponentially exacerbated by “conflict entrepreneurs” and "fire-starters”, who intentionally aim to increase the us-versus-them dynamic of the conflict to gain power.
Sound familiar?
An effect can be that perfectly ordinary people can condone some not so great things from the perspective that their side are the good guys and their views are right.
This is in no way an attempt to excuse what is happening but just to say similar terrible things have happened before. All over the place. And that none of us are completely innocent bystanders in the dynamic. It is time that we as Americans need to humbly look to other places in the world and learn from them. We could definitely use some help.
One thing that we can be weirdly inspired by is, if a reality star can become president (again) - anything is possible. You can maybe do anything! (except get federal funding…not that)
Dark jokes aside, I know that this new reality is going to change my work and my life. I am attempting to mourn this and also somehow find the opportunity. Because there are still so many things I want to do but to date, I have been too scared to try. But shoot, if this can happen maybe I can start that Substack, try out a podcast or attempt to bring one of the many other ideas floating around my head into reality. Stranger things are literally happening.
So what is something you have been wanting to do for a long time, but you have been too scared to try it? Why not try it?
Actually, we need you to try it.
Because if we continue to stay immobilized by fear staring at our screens, alone in our homes, they have won. If we take some risks, garner some collective action and try to do some things we are afraid of - maybe they do not have all the power after all.
Another thing we can do is read! (Seriously, please read this book)
High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out By Amanda Ripley
It is in this fascinating, important and timely book that Ripley weaves together poignant stories of different types of conflicts and their similarities. One of her main points is that no one is above getting sucked into these types of conflicts. And once you are in them, they are tough to get out of.
The good news is that there are ways to transform high conflicts into good conflicts and to build conflict resilience. One tactic that really resonated for me was to “buy time and make space". Here, Ripley highlights that when it comes to interactions with anyone, the positives must outweigh the negatives. There is even a “magic ratio” of 5:1. Of course there are many ways to support this ratio, but eating together is a given.
“Food is something we all enjoy, like air. It’s an easy way to create a shock absorber. Then, when conflict arises, it does not escalate as quickly”
If you want to find out more about Amanda Ripley's work check out TheGoodConflict.com
We can also listen. To each other and to a podcast.
I was recently on the hello community podcast: The Power of Curiosity
Check it out!
Stay tuned for some new offerings for this new reality…
Take care of yourself and others out there.