Fear

Photo cred: my mom!

I loved Halloween as a kid. Gearing up for the big night was all about haunted houses, creepy costume making and well, the anticipation of one night of unlimited free candy. I was not a fearless child, but still I was fascinated by the contrived fear of Halloween and the (mostly) safe horror that comes along with it (and also the candy).

Beyond Halloween, though, fear is very real. And there are just so many things to fear these days. Whether it is the fears in our head or the very real dangers of living, shit can get scary.

Fear around food is real, too. And I get it, allergies and food intolerances can be very frightening. But if you believe that what you are putting in your mouth is going to hurt you, a stomach-ache most certainly awaits. On the other hand, a once a year, fun size Three Musketeers bar eaten with nostalgia, could be the purest form of joy. Just please save the rest of the bag for the trick-or-treaters.

The reality is that fear is not going anywhere. Facing your fears though, no matter how large or small, can bring incredible satisfaction.

So, is there a dish that reminds you of when you faced a fear? Or one that you were scared of making until you tried? Conversely, is there a dish that brings you so much joy to eat, that your normal fears dissipate at the mere taste? Or perhaps there is food that you used to fear and now you eat with gusto?

To be human, is to have fear. Fear many times does keep us safe but it also can keep us from fully showing up as ourselves. I have been lucky enough to not have too much fear around food. And I must confess that I used to be really annoyed by those who only ate a certain way or always made a point to tell me all the food they could not eat. I am not trying to see them with compassion, because they are really just afraid.

A few years ago I have a weird allergic reaction to what I thought was pineapple. For a week I was pumped up on benedryl and steroids, was given a epi-pen and told to “be careful” with what I ate, and to call 911 if my throat started to close. This terrified me and I spent the week barely eating and having several panic attacks. I went to Urgent Care and the Emergency room several times, not understanding that it was really my own anxiety that was creating the symptoms of my throat closing, not a allergic reaction. When I went back to work after this all went down, my colleagues wanted to get some food after a long day of training. We ended up at an Irish pub and I ordered Shepards Pie. This meal literally saved me. It comforted me and gave me the calories and fat my body needed after a week of being afraid to eat anything. Though we never found out what I was allergic too (pretty sure it was to my then very stressful job), I will be forever grateful for the comfort of that meal in a time of incredible fear.

See below for the healing powers of Shepards Pie…

Fear dinner where we enjoyed Shepard’s Pie and many other delicious (and fearful) dishes!

Shepard’s Pie (kind of adapted from https://www.gimmesomeoven.com/shepherds-pie/)

1 tablespoon olive oil

2 pounds ground beef or ground lamb (the lamb is bomb my friends)

1 large white onion, peeled and diced

3 medium carrots, finely diced

2 stalks celery, finely diced

4 cloves garlic, peeled and minced

1/3 cup all-purpose flour (Or for a GF version use a ½ cup of water you cooked the potatoes in)

2 cups beef stock 

2 tablespoons tomato paste

2 sprigs each fresh rosemary and thyme (or whatever herbs you love)

1 package frozen peas

sea salt and freshly-cracked black pepper

1 batch mashed potatoes (see below)

Mashed potatoes:

5 pounds potatoes 

1/2 cup butter (or more - I LOVE butter)

1/2 cup warmed whole milk, or more as needed

1/2 cup cream cheese

salt and pepper

1. Peel and cut potatoes. Put in large pot and cover with cold water. Bring to a boil and then simmer until potatoes are cooked. Drain water and set aside.

2. Meanwhile brown the meat in a large pan. Transfer the cooked meat to a separate plate with a wooden spoon and set aside, reserving any grease in the sauté pan that it has left behind. 

3. Add the onion and sauté for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.  Add the carrots, celery, garlic and sauté for 5-7 more minutes, stirring occasionally, until softened. 

4. Add back the cooked meat and stir in flour. Then add tomato paste, stock and herbs. Let cook for a few minutes, stirring frequently.

5. Add peas. Taste and season the mixture with salt and pepper as needed and set aside.

6. Add butter, milk, cream cheese to potatoes. Use hand mixture to make smooth. Add salt and pepper to taste.

7. Transfer the filling mixture to a 9 x 13-inch baking dish and spread it out in an even layer.  Spoon the mashed potatoes on top and carefully spread them out in an even layer as well.

8. Bake uncovered at 400°F for about 20 minutes, or until the potatoes are lightly golden and the filling has started to bubble up around the edges.  

9. Remove the baking dish from the oven, sprinkle a few extra herbs on top if you would like, then serve!